What is it that you WILL NOT stand for?

Funny that this should be the question of the day. Timely. I know what I CAN'T STAND, and right now I'm just trying to figure out how to take a proactive stance and turn a CAN'T STAND situation into a WILL NOT STAND situation.

I can't stand drama queens who meddle in other people's lives and create havoc out of nothing. How's that for an answer? I've got two of those people in my life. One is a constant in my job, where I've worked for the past 10 years. Unfortunately she's the person I work with the most closely on a daily basis. Out of necessity (for the sake of my sanity) I've figured out how to handle most situations with her, but I often watch other co-workers struggling and that's infuriating.

Just as difficult, though, is the fact that the other meddler is my stepdaughter's mother and my husband's ex-wife, who isn't in our lives very often but somehow worms her way in on occasion and turns everything on its head. The ex is currently affecting her daughter's relationship with us. The problem is that my stepdaughter, age 30, and her fiance live with the ex and occasionally buy into her nonsense. So at the present time, the ex is focusing on us and wielding her considerable influence over her daughter by making mountains out of molehills. One by one, she's zeroing in on all four of us. My turn was yesterday.

Logically I know that someone can only meddle in your life if you LET them. I don't have any control from the standpoint of my stepdaughter's relationship with mommy dearest. But once again, I'm looking for the hole in the dike where she's weaseling her way into OUR lives. And this time, instead of just putting my finger in and hoping for the best, I'm struggling to make more lasting repairs.

What do you know about love?

Love is my husband assuring me he likes me with short hair.

Love is a picture hanging on my office bulletin board for about 10 years of a hand-drawn flower and the words: “To Mommy, From Michelle. Have a good day at work! I Love You!”

Love is stopping to see my mother every day after work even when I’m tired and all I want to do is go home and kick my shoes off.

Love is my husband painting my daughter’s bathroom because her husband is busy working on his mother’s house.

Love is watching my daughter’s belly get bigger each passing week as I wait to meet my first grandchild.

Love is worrying about my husband’s heart prescription running out before the refill gets here.

Love is seeing pictures of myself on my daughter’s blog with the words “my mother in the summer of the late 70s is pretty much exactly the same as i am today.”

Love is conquering my fear of riding on the back of my husband’s motorcycle because I know he wants me to spend the afternoon with him.

Love is pretending to be interested in hearing my mom tell the same story for the umpteenth time.

Love is making two different dinners because my husband loves a good hamburger and my daughter’s a vegetarian.

Love is my husband fixing the flat tire on my bike.

Love is lending my brand new tent to my daughter for 2 months before I even had the chance to use it. And love is my husband cleaning that tent for me when she brought it back.

Love is overhearing my mother tell her friend that I am her rock.

Love sure isn’t easy, but love is rewarding. I can’t imagine life without it.

How important to you is 'self-esteem'?

The scenario:

I have a job interview. I walk into the room, head held high, exuding confidence because I’ve prepared myself well. Now that I’ve been selected for the interview and gotten in the doorway, I know that my potential employers would like to see me get the job and I’m about to prove them right. My handshake is firm, my smile contagious. We engage in a two-way dialogue as I make a lot of eye contact, and with every question asked of me, I pause for a moment or two, and reply with a thorough answer which shows that I’ve put some thought into the question.  I can give examples about successes in the jobs I’ve held and when asked about my failures, I have a couple of funny stories which show that I learned something in the process of failing. I ask pertinent questions which show I've done my homework on the company. As I exit the interview, I know that I’ve successfully put my best foot forward. A day later, I receive a phone call that the company is pleased to offer me the position.

Is this perfect example of self-esteem/self-confidence really me?  NO! I only wish it was! I would love to be able to handle an interview in this manner. No fumbling, no tentativeness, no loss for words, no nervous laughter. Just a calm assurance that I have the ability to handle the job, and I’m able to successfully convey that to my potential employers.

Yes, I think that high self-esteem opens doors and presents opportunities that would not be there otherwise. And it’s something I’m always struggling with in myself--a constant work in progress.

How important to you is “respect”?

The first thing that comes to mind is that great dance song by Aretha Franklin—”R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me….”  I have to say, respect is not something I think about too much and it’s a word I rarely use, probably because I’ve been lucky enough in life never to truly have felt DISRESPECT.

But when it comes down to it, I feel that everyone is born with the right to be respected. If that respect isn’t realized, it can cause self-esteem to plummet and severe emotional problems to develop down the road. I think a lot of people’s deep-seated problems can probably be traced to a deprivation of respect, especially when that respect is lacking from parents, other family members, perceived friends, or loved ones. Spousal abuse and child abuse stem from a lack of respect. So does bullying. Some suicides undoubtedly stem from a lack of respect. I've seen firsthand the impact of disrespect/abuse on a friend of 50+ years, as she struggles daily with self-esteem issues.

Confucius say (at least I think it was Confucius) that if you respect yourself, others will learn to respect you.  If you stand tall and are proud of yourself, your values, opinions and finally your actions will reflect that self-respect.

So what about career criminals, or the abusers and bullies in life? Yes, they are hard people to respect. And by their actions, they’ve lost their rights to many privileges that the rest of us take for granted. But if Confucius is right, it’s clear that these are people with no self-respect. Despite their choices, they should still be afforded the courtesy of a basic respect for their human rights. If that’s taken away, where does that leave the rest of us? It perpetuates an unending cycle, similar to the cycle of abuse that appears in families for generation after generation.

And, yep, I'm still humming Aretha's tune.

Name your favorite film of all time. What era does the film take place in? What else was happening in the world during the time frame of the film?

It’s hard to choose, and maybe it's on my mind due to my last blog, but I’d have to say The Wizard of Oz is my favorite. It’s full of childhood nostalgia for me, and it’s such a timeless, classic film--40 years later, my daughters loved the movie just as much as I did.

I don’t know anyone who isn’t familiar with all the characters and who can’t quote at least a couple of lines from the movie.  The phrases “pay no attention to that man behind the curtain” and “there’s no place like home” strike a familiar chord with almost everybody. After moving to the South, I’ve been known to joke, “Toto, I have a feeling we aren’t in Kansas anymore” on more than one occasion! Or when my daughters were acting up, I’ve playfully threatened, “Don’t make me call in the flying monkeys!”

Besides the unforgettable characters and lines, the music was catchy too. Of course, most people know the songs “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.” But in addition, I’ll always be able to hum the tune that played during the attack of the flying monkeys. Just hearing that music struck fear in my childhood heart!

Who can resist a film where the main characters receive gifts they so desperately need:  a brain, a heart,  courage, and finding a way to get home? And I swear, if I had my wedding to do over again, I’d definitely wear ruby slippers on my feet.

As for the film’s era, The Wizard of Oz was released in the late 1930s, at a time when the effects of the Great Depression were still lingering, and the Hindenberg, the Lindbergh baby, and Hitler’s rise to power were all in the news--a stressful era indeed. Perhaps this is why the entertaining fantasy of The Wizard of Oz provided such a delightful escape and held so much appeal.

There is a hole in the wall. You look through it. What do you see?

I am reminded of that scene in the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy first steps onto the Yellow Brick Road and everything turns from black and white into color. Only in my case, when I look through the hole in the wall everything turns from its normal color into brilliant hues. It’s as if all my senses are heightened. Colors are more vivid, smells are more intense, sounds more crisp and clear.

I’m looking into a living room where a party is going on. The music is thumping, the smell of popcorn is in the air, and there are lots of smiles and chatter. Everyone knows one another, and at first nobody seems to notice that I am watching, all alone, from the hole in the wall.

Suddenly above the din, I hear my name being called repeatedly. But instead of “Sharon” it’s “Sher.” It’s a familiar voice. Only my dad ever called me that nickname. I turn my head, scanning the people in the room. How could this be possible? My eyes light on a big blue couch up against one wall of the room, and sure enough, there sits my dad, watching me. He has a big grin on his face and his right hand pats the empty spot beside him on the couch, as if to say, “Come and join me.”  He looks exactly like he did the last 10 years of his life.

I can’t believe my eyes and my heart is pounding, but I hurry over to join him and give him a big hug.

This is actually a wonderful dream I had one night, except the hole in the wall was the front door of a home. After my dad died in 2002, a friend of mine told me that if I experienced the same thing she had, someday I would have a happy dream about my dad which would make me feel at peace. In the words of Henry Scott Holland, “Death is nothing at all. I am I and you are you, and whatever we were to each other, that we still are. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am waiting for you somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well.”

What is your favorite film genre? Why?

This is actually a hard question for me to answer because I’m definitely not any sort of a movie buff. I’m really picky about the movies I like. Could “chick flicks” be considered a genre? Ha! Actually, I really don’t like all chick flicks either. I don’t mind the drama and emotion, but some are just too ditzy and fluffy… i.e., give me Terms of Endearment over Legally Blonde any day!

Hmmmm…..

Westerns: boooring!

Comedies:  I like some of them, but slapstick is definitely not my thing (I’m thinking in the vein of the Airplane movies, and Something About Mary). Jim Carey, Russell Brand, and Robin Williams do nothing for me. Even the old, classic slapstick routines are hard for me to tolerate; i.e. The Marx Brothers and The Three Stooges. I know, I know—I’m practically un-American!

Action/Adventure films:  I never cared for any of the Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, or the Chuck Norris/Bruce Lee flicks; too much violence for my taste. I think the only time I really like this type of film is when there’s a good chemistry going between the male and female leads. For example, I really enjoyed Harrison Ford and Karen Allen in Raiders of the Lost Ark, and likewise with Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner in Romancing the Stone.

Horror movies cause me way too much anxiety and stress and who need that when you're watching a movie? And besides, after leaving those types of flicks I find myself looking over my shoulder way too much. When I saw The Exorcist with my college boyfriend back in the ‘70s, I couldn’t sleep that night.

Fantasy/sci fi flicks:  I tend to enjoy films that are more reality based, so this genre really doesn’t appeal to me too much either, with the exception of the Harry Potter movies. I did enjoy watching those, maybe because the character development was generally very good in them. Plus my youngest daughter Julie adores these movies and can quote from them, so I enjoy watching her enjoyment!

Musicals:  The story line can be really good in musicals but then those moments are usually ruined for me when the characters break out in song!  I have to stifle an overwhelming urge to giggle. Reality just isn’t like that, and it makes me laugh to see it. Although when I was a kid, I did enjoy “Mary Poppins” and “The Sound of Music.”

The classics:  I’ve never explored these too much and I’m embarrassed to say I’ve never watched Casablanca, It’s a Wonderful Life, Roman Holiday, or An Affair to Remember all the way through. Maybe I would like them if I actually sat down and concentrated on watching them from beginning to end.

In thinking of my favorite movies, I’d have to say that I enjoy films based on a real story, such as Norma Rae, Titanic, and The Blind Side. Or fiction based on a historic era, such as Gone with the Wind and Cold Mountain during the Civil War, or Water for Elephants during the Depression.

And finally, give me a good romance any day. The list of my favorites includes The Notebook, Pretty Woman, Dirty Dancing, When Harry Met Sally, Officer and a Gentleman, and Summer of ’42. Or even a quirky/funny romance like Annie Hall can be found on my favorites list.

I could never be a movie critic. Nothing is more boring to me than sitting through a movie that I don’t like… and I’m picky enough that I don’t like a lot of them!