#4 Do you have people in your life who are abusive, angry, demeaning, hurtful, not supportive, unethical or crazy?

I think everyone has people like this in their lives. All you have to do is read through some of my past blogs to know that I have a husband who is angry more often than I'd like; a brother who can be very hurtful; a co-worker who is unsupportive by taking all the credit for herself; and an ex-wife who has some psychological issues! The trick is in learning how to deal with these people in the most effective way. Or, in the most extreme cases, to decide that enough is enough because life is too short, banish them from my life if possible, and move on. I'm either unwilling or unable to remove any of these people from my life, so now it's up to me to figure out how to respond and react to them.

I've found that it can take years to learn how to prevent these types of people from hurting and getting to me. And even when the other person acknowledges their behavior and realizes the negative effect that it has on their relationships, it can take a long time to change these ingrained behaviors. Sometimes, despite all the hard work and best intentions, change sadly never occurs.

I'm reminded of two Eleanor Roosevelt pearls of wisdom (she was such an insightful lady):  "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" and "If someone betrays you once, it's their fault; if they betray you twice, it's your fault." Both of these quotes have similar meanings. The onus is on you to define yourself; not to let others define you. Don't judge yourself through someone else's eyes. Don't feel responsible for someone else's bad behavior. This is easier said than done. It's human nature to feel like others tell you to feel. It takes a lot of self-esteem to rise above the negative comments and actions without internalizing them.

I'm trying to live by Eleanor's words. It's an ongoing process.