"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." ~ Socrates What is your feeling about or attitude towards marriage?

It’s complicated! How ironic is it that society expects us to choose a life partner when we're in our 20s or 30s and we barely even know ourselves yet? Is it “normal” that I've been married for 25 years now and I'm still second-guessing my choice? Still thinking about the qualities I'd look for in a partner if I had to do it all over again?

That's not to say I regret my marriage by any means. We've had many good times along with the bad, serene times along with the stressful, downright joyful times along with the heartaches. As I watched my husband walk our daughter down the aisle at her wedding, his face contorted with emotion, I thought, "There's nobody else in the world who could put his entire heart and soul into this exact moment."

Thinking in practical terms, which qualities would I keep and which ones would I change in my spouse if I could?

Keepers:

·        Unafraid to feel and express his emotions

·        Affectionate

·        Complimentary

·        Great dad who tells his daughters he loves them and is proud of them

·        Reliable

·        Trustworthy

·        Straight forward

·        Unthreatened by me “doing my own thing,” even to the point of going   on vacations with my friends

·        Has his own outside interests

If I could, I’d change:

·        Explosive anger

·        Vastly unequal sex drives (he being the more needy)

·        We need more common interests

·        Not as physically active as I’d like, low energy level

·        Not as adventuresome as I’d like (although he gets kudos for taking those   dance lessons with me!)

·        Holds grudges

·        Tends to see the glass half empty

·        Needs to improve listening skills; be less defensive (but then so do I!)

·        Wish we had more similar attitudes toward spending/saving money

·        Wish he took more pride in our home; i.e. working on it together

I notice a couple of things about my lists. First of all, they’re almost even in length (I had honestly thought the negative list would be way longer--now who sees the glass half empty?). Secondly, we’ve done some work on several of the negatives and made some compromises but the anger issue has definitely dealt the most heartache through the years and still needs to improve.

My biggest fear about our marriage? Finally reaching our retirement years when we have a chance to slow down, breathe, and really enjoy life and each other’s company. But instead finding ourselves sitting across the table staring at one another with nothing to say and no common interests. We still have quite a bit of work to do to make sure that fear doesn’t become reality.