#9 Are you living in alignment with your values?

I think of my values as constantly shifting and fluid, rather than static. I’m the type of person who establishes my goals first, before realigning and prioritizing my values in order to try and meet those goals. I once read a good analogy for this process:  when you’re flying an airplane, you have to determine where it will land first before setting a course. So, I guess the answer would be that I do try to live in alignment with my values, but they frequently change.

For example, after moving to Georgia, I really wanted my family to fit in here. It’s a smallish town, a lot of people have lived here for their entire lives, and I knew it would be a difficult place to break into. I cringe now, but the values of belonging and conformity suddenly rose dramatically on my list of priorities. Our first Christmas here, I decided to have a party. We had only lived in Georgia for four months, and in our house for one month. At the time, our neighborhood had the tradition of lining the streets and walkways with luminaries. I decided that this would provide the perfect vehicle to host an open house with snacks and drinks, Christmas music, and strolling the neighborhood to see the lights. We printed up invitations with a map to the house, and Rich and I invited our co-workers while the kids invited a few friends they were just starting to make.  To make a long story short, only three people showed up--a husband and wife that Rich knew, and my daughter’s sixth grade teacher. Bless that teacher’s heart, she turned an embarrassing situation into a fun evening anyway, and we became friends. But after that demoralizing experience, I realized that fitting in wasn’t something I could force to happen, and the values of conformity and belonging went back down on my list.

So what’s on my values list at the current time? Well, here are some of the goals I’ve established both large and small, immediate and distant, with their accompanying values:

·    Goals:  to get out of the mindset of working more to achieve more material things; to pay off bills; to get ready for retirement.  Values:  freedom, financial independence

·    Goals:  to be physically fit enough to continue long bike rides, possibly start section-hiking the Appalachian Trail, and (this is slightly embarrassing to admit) to wear a bikini again because, dammit, I just bought one as a source of motivation and I’m determined to wear it before my sixtieth birthday.  Values:  discipline, health, vitality and yes, some courage!

·    Goals:  to pursue more writing in my spare time, to do more scrapbooking. Values:  creativity, craftiness.

·    Goal:  to reduce clutter. Value:  simplicity.

·    Goals:  to do volunteer work, participate more in charitable events. Values:  compassion, empathy.
·    Goals:  To plan more weekends away, to start camping again. Values:  adventure, fun.