Describe a time when you kept your temper in check.

This is a hard question for me to answer because I don’t often react in anger—even when I should. Even in situations when many people would lose their temper. Instead I get my feelings hurt. My husband tells me this is typically a “girl” thing to do. He says that guys are a lot more direct and when they get angry, the offending party knows it immediately. Women, on the other hand, take it more personally and internalize their anger. They may talk about it to others, but often they don’t directly confront the offender. There's probably a lot of truth to this.

Perhaps life would be easier if I’d learn to express my anger more often rather than to bottle things up and react with hurt feelings.

I’ve written before about one of my blunt, bossy co-workers and I can recall one time in particular when she really pushed my buttons. One of our student assistants wanted to show me and Wendy (another co-worker) some pictures she had on the computer. The three of us were huddled around her monitor and she was telling us about her family when Jennifer came out of her office.  She immediately reprimanded us, saying loudly, “You all need to get to work.”  Now, keep in mind that Jennifer is our peer. She’s on an even “playing field” with Wendy and me, and the three of us are supervisors to the student assistants. My instant reaction was a flash of anger, but typically I bottled up my feelings and we all scattered to our respective offices. As soon as I sat down, I realized how ridiculous the situation was. We were being treated as children and we were responding as children, rather than handling things directly.

I went home and thought about it overnight. I planned exactly what I was going to say to Jennifer the next morning when I got into work. I hate confrontations of any kind, but I decided that I just couldn’t let her get away with this behavior, especially in front of the student. When I arrived at work the next morning, I let her know how rude and belittling her remark was to all of us. I knew that Wendy felt the same way. I was tempted to ask who died and appointed her queen, but I decided that might be carrying things a bit too far!

Her reaction startled me.  She began to cry. She told me that Wendy and I were the ones she considered her friends at work and she didn’t want to lose our friendship. (Hmmmm, a funny way of showing friendship!) Later in the day, she wrote emails of apology to both of us. Did she change? Well, for about a week. Then she was back to her same bossy, reprimanding self, apparently proving that a leopard can’t change its spots.

So the fact that I kept my temper in check in this situation wasn't unusual. What was more uncharacteristic for me was that I drew a line in the sand and let the other person know that they had crossed it. I was glad I did, even if it wasn't permanently effective.