I have to admit to some initial apprehension at taking on the moniker of "Grandma." The name evokes visions of a short, wrinkled woman with curly, grayish-blue hair and the scent of White Shoulders perfume in the air. I don't feel like I'm anything close to this; hopefully I don't look anything close to this! But when a co-worker recently asked me if becoming a grandmother makes me feel old, I had to smile. Because if I were to sum up my new status of grandmother thus far, the word "old" is far from my mind, but the words "appreciative" and "appreciated" are what stand out.
I'm appreciative for no longer being the harried, overwhelmed new mother who can't see the forest for the trees. I now have the wisdom to see the forest quite clearly. I'm well aware that I need to hang on to every precious moment with my grandchild because I know how fleeting the time is from changing her poopy diapers to sending her off to college.
Being a grandmother conjures up long-forgotten memories of my own children--memories that I'm grateful to relive. As I held Aubree yesterday, a gummy little crooked smile crossed her face and melted my heart. I had forgotten all about those sweet newborn smiles. And I had to chuckle when she protested vigorously every time I sat down. She prefers that I stand and carry her around, loving the constant movement just like her mother did as a baby.
Becoming a grandmother has allowed me to be closer to my daughter. We're united by a new, common love and we're on the same team in wanting the very best for Aubree that life has to offer. I feel as though Michelle has a new understanding of the challenges and the overwhelming sense of responsibility I once faced in becoming a mother for the first time. She calls me at various times during the day, wanting to share small moments or to ask my opinion. It's nice to feel that new wave of appreciation.
Holding Aubree, I feel an intense connection to both the past and the future. It's amazing to contemplate the repetition and the cycle of life that the birth of a new baby evokes. I look into her eyes and see vestiges of my Grandmother Simmons, who I loved dearly. And I think about the day that Aubree herself may become a grandmother, when I'm no longer inhabiting this earth. I hope with all my heart that she looks into her grandchild's eyes and thinks of me.
I'm discovering that the sense of nurturing and being nurtured is reciprocal between a grandparent and a grandchild. It's a chance to savor and commit all those sweet moments to memory once again, minus the intense, time-pressured haze of being a parent and one step removed from the day-to-day responsibilities. In that way, it's a unique relationship like no other and I'm so lucky to experience it.
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