"Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax and allowing ourselves to move gently toward what scares us." ~ Pema Chodron What are you leaning into, even though it may feel scary?

I'll be 60 years old in less than two years. When I do the math, I figure I've already lived approximately 2/3 of my life if my luck holds out and my "longevity genetics" are taken into consideration. So I guess I'd say I'm "leaning into" aging, like it or not, and boy is it ever scary! I look at my 88-year-old mom and wonder, "Will that be me in 30 years?"

I find myself doing everything possible to delay the aging process, trying to ward off the inevitable. I exercise like a fiend, watch what I eat, try to dress "young" within reason, color my hair and have a "fun" hairstyle. It helps that I have good genes, Also, I live in Georgia--a state that, let's face it, has one of the highest obesity rates, most smokers and consequently poorest health in the nation--where I look younger in comparison to a lot of people my age. So I get lots of compliments and looks of amazement when I divulge my age.

But I know that very soon I'll have to come to terms with the inevitability of aging. Even now, I look in the mirror and cringe at the lines around my eyes and mouth, and the roll around my middle that just won't go away no matter what I do. My "chicken neck" is starting to remind me of my grandmother's, and my upper arms tend to keep waving long after I've stopped! And just when did my knees start to sag in a southerly direction?

Far worse than the visual signs of aging are the mental indications. I certainly can't keep track of details like I used to, and names often escape me. I've watched my mother go downhill at a much more rapid pace in the past year, and it terrifies me. She forgets how to use her washing machine, is very confused by numbers and figures, asks the same questions repeatedly and tells stories over and over again, often within one conversation. It's hard to have meaningful dialogs with her because I'm constantly having to identify people who used to be very familiar to her, or define words or terms that she's either forgotten or never knew. Try explaining the concept of Facebook to a person who has never used a computer and can't see! Jokes and stories tend to lose their impact when you stop several times along the way to give explanations.

The sight issue is another scary factor. My mother began losing her sight sometime around 1990, when she was in her late 60s. Her macular degeneration has been passed down through at least four generations in her family as far as we know. I take vitamin and mineral eye supplements, trying to do what I can to maintain healthy vision, and I hope against hope that I got my dad's "eyesight" genes. My husband and I have kind of a sick running joke when we talk about aging and wonder how we'll fare as we age. I playfully say, "The pillow, Rich. Remember the pillow."

So what's the secret to aging gracefully, anyway? I saw an interview with Florence Henderson on TV the other day and thought, "Wow, I want to look and act like her when I'm in my 70s." Some people seem to age so naturally. I hope I'm one of those lucky ones.