I had left this prompt unanswered for quite awhile, not being able to think of a reply. But something happened recently which gave me an unfortunate answer to this question. On November 29th, I stopped by my mother's apartment after work as I usually do. I found her clutching her stomach, doubed over in pain. She told me she had felt that way for about two hours, since 2:30 that afternoon. Thinking she might simply have an upset stomach, she asked me to go to the store and get her some baking soda to mix with water--the old-fashioned remedy for a tummy ache. We were both hoping that "maybe it will go away" although I was starting to have my doubts. I did as she asked and it helped briefly but soon she was doubled over and moaning with pain again. I told her we either had to go to urgent care or the hospital, and she replied that she wasn't going to the hospital--so urgent care it was.
By the time she saw a Dr. at urgent care, she was in severe pain. They gave her morphine for the pain (not a good idea, as it turned out, for an elderly patient with a little bit of dementia) and determined that she needed to be taken by ambulance to the emergency room at the hospital. There she was diagnosed as having an abdominal obstruction. A tube was placed via her nose down her throat and into her stomach to drain off all the fluids, intestinal materials, and digestive materials that had built up in her system. She of course wasn't allowed to have anything to eat or drink during this whole process and she was in a great deal of discomfort. It was 3:30 am before I left the hospital the following morning.
I had been home and had gotten only about four hours of sleep when the phone rang. It was a nurse from the hospital telling me that my mother had woken up very confused and upset, had gotten out of bed by herself, was pulling at her tubes, and was refusing to let anyone near her. Four people were in her room trying to calm her down and get her back in bed. I was asked for permission to restrain her, in order to protect her from doing harm to herself. Reluctantly, I gave my permission because I didn't think there was any other recourse. I got down to the hospital as soon as possible to help calm her down.
For three days my mother had nothing to eat or drink and was restrained to her bed. It seemed so cruel and archaic. To make matters worse, because she's blind she could not see to push the call button for a nurse, and due to the restraints it would have been practically impossible for her to do so anyway. I spent as much time at the hospital as I could and was there for blocks of several hours at a time. Each time I arrived, I found her pulling at her restraints, desperate to get out of bed because she had to go to the bathroom. She was not checked on nearly often enough considering the situation she was in. She was at the mercy of a nurse or a tech happening by her room. It was degrading to her and made her highly anxious, worsening her already precarious mental state. She would beg me for just a sip of milk or a taste of ice cream and it broke my heart to constantly have to explain to her why I couldn't get anything for her.
Conditions got increasing more grim by the day, until one day at work I just broke down to one of my co-workers. It turns out that I picked the right person. Her niece is the director of the 6th floor at the hospital. She gave her a call and I talked with her for a few minutes about my mother's horrible situation and my frustration at not being able to speak to a doctor. Within an hour, I received a call asking if I could be at the hospital at 3:00 for a consultation with a Dr. When I arrived at the hospital, conditions had changed dramatically for the better. The tube, which had already been dry for a day and a half, was removed from my mother's nose and she had been given some sips of water. Food was going to be reintroduced to her system the next day. And to my amazement, sitters were scheduled to be with my mother around the clock at the hospital's expense. Until then, I never knew that such a program existed. If I had, I would never have given permission to put my mother in restraints.
My mother spent a total of eight days in the hospital, and a series of unfortunate and careless mistakes were made in her care. If I had not found a connection to someone who worked there, I shudder to think what might have happened. Thankfully, she doesn't seem to remember much about her hospital stay at this point. I should be so lucky.
This was definitely a time when "maybe it will just go away" didn't pan out. Thankfully, it didn't take too long before I realized that waiting wasn't the way to go, and I had to take some action.
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