Rich told me that it wasn't words that had a positive impact on him, but a gesture. It was a time during our marriage when things were really rocky, and we were talking about separation. We had begun to see a marriage/family counselor and we were both angry at times, and depressed at other times. One morning I was going to work and he came out to move his car so I could leave. As I drove away, I blew him a kiss. He said it took him by surprise and really encouraged him at a time when he was feeling down, making him realize there might be some hope for our marriage after all.
Michelle wrote the following message to me when I asked her the question:
"I don't know what you said exactly, but I know the situation. When we were trying to plan my wedding and you figured out that we were really out of money and you and dad came over to our house that one day. I was very upset because we were either going to have to postpone or cancel the wedding. It made you upset to see me crying. I remember you just held me close and told me everything was going to be all right, that we would get through it. And that you were going to do whatever it took for me to have my wedding! After that I didn't worry about it anymore! I knew that you would never let me down, because you never have! You always see the positive in any situation that I bring to you. I love you!"
As a preface to Julie's answer to the question, she was involved in a bad car accident when she was in high school. It happened when she was looking at her cell phone, crossed the center divider, and hit a car coming the opposite way. She miraculously managed to escape with only a broken foot and a chip broken out of her wrist. When the manager of the tow yard saw her mangled, totaled car, he told us he had it figured for a fatality.
With tears running down her face as she remembered that period of time, Julie said: "It was right after I had my car accident, and you were going to change the sheets on my bed for me. I got up to help you and when I tried to pull the sheet up on my bed, the pain in my wrist was terrible. I was so discouraged, I laid down on the floor and was crying. You laid down on the floor next to me and hugged me, telling me that you loved me and promising me that everything was going to be OK. You were so sweet to me and it just made me feel so much better and encouraged me."
My stepdaughter Brianna, age 31, has been through some tough years recently. She and her fiance Ryan live in Gulfport, MS, which is a very economically deprived area of the country post Hurricane Katrina. They've had a lot of ups and downs, neither of them currently has a job, and Brianna is also a frequent caregiver for her mother and her stepfather, who are both in poor health. She and Ryan each have some problems with depression after all they've had to deal with in their young lives. I recently wrote a letter to Brianna and although she never replied directly to me, she told her dad that she always carries it with her. When she's down, she pulls it out to read it over again; and when Ryan's down she hands it to him to read again. Here are a couple of paragraphs from the letter:
"Brianna, when you and Ryan were here for Michelle’s wedding, you both captured the hearts of a lot of people. My mother said you spent a lot of time talking to her during the reception, and she was so grateful for that. I often run into Gwen, the “flower lady,” and she always asks how you’re doing. She told me that the two of you had a great conversation, she thinks you’re a wonderful person, and she’d love to do the flowers for your wedding. Kimberly and Wendy, the bartenders and my co-workers, also fell in love with the two of you. They think (correctly) that you are so sweet and Ryan kept them very entertained. They said something similar--“We want to do the bartending for THEIR wedding.”
"I, personally, was blown away by the way you handled Craig’s seizure the day after the wedding. You took control of the situation and calmed everyone’s nerves. Helping others, whether its people in medical emergencies, the handicapped, social work, or elderly people, is definitely where your talents lie. And of course we all know Ryan is a people person extraordinaire. In a different time and place, I can see him making great use of that real estate license. The two of you are young and vibrant people with SO MUCH talent. It literally pains me and your dad to see you languishing like you are now, spinning your wheels with no jobs, no money, no direction for change. You’re both so much better than that! I know that sometimes you see the situation as hopeless, but there’s always a way out. Honest. Promise me you won’t give up… no excuses. If one plan doesn’t work, sit back, lick your wounds, and try something different. DON’T GIVE UP!"
I'm so glad this prompt was presented, and that I asked the people closest to me to answer it. Otherwise, I would never have known the positive effects of my words and actions in these cases. So many times, people go through life without knowing that they really have helped out and created some good in bad situations. I'm deeply touched and humbled to know that I've had a significant positive impact on the people I love.
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